Leaving

i just dont want to sleep. i miss the time i stay alone with my tea and books.

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what should i care for? 

Yeah maybe, sometimes, i do care everyone's view. so that's why I do everything with others' mind, not with my way. 

as i always say, i dont really know myself very good. hardly to know me, in my view. i think others may know me better than myself.

A piece of writing may cure the scars in my heart, temporarily. this isn't good, neither bad. however, what should i do when the inspiration and feeling were absolutely lost or never approach me?

i rather choose to torture myself than revealing the actual me to others when i break into tears. no one can hurt me till i cry, except the only one person. i hate people leave me without a word, it makes me lost. i can tell you that i can live alone but not without a stand. 

who is willing to be my stand?
i never try to think about this question, after his leaving. he left without a word. the reasons he gave were not reasonable enough to push me away from his life. i am too timid to face the actual face and world. tremendously changes happen in my attitude, the ways i talk as well as social communicate. i dont know who should i believe right now. when i close my eyes, i flashback the past memories. it's sweet last time.

i scare to be hurt by others. eventually i hide myself as possible as i can.

these days, i have great 'explosions' in my class. sorry to those i made you furious and hate me. i have low EQ, so far. I cant control my emotion properly, in the other way, efficiently. i will desperate for a few days, just for the minor problem in my life. for sure, it is not important. mindlessly, i get mad. then i live in my own world. i wont care who you are, as long as i recover from this illness. 

i ought to go, without any miss and feeling. dont i?